My questions in my life.... Why

Well it looks like the weather has decided to make us all feel miserable again today.  I believe that the clouds in the sky directly affect my moods.  O and wind too.  Wind pisses me off!  Why can't it just be nice and when it is nice why can't I be home to enjoy it?  I guess I should be happy that I can go outside and breathe clean air and listen to the birdies chirp, but I just want more.  So anyways now that I have decided that the weather despises me... I have gotten off of the time to garden and work in the yard wagon and hopped back on the "OH SHIT ITS GOING TO BE SUMMER SOON" wagon.  Yep, here it is another year and I still cannot fathem wearing a swimming suit. ICK!  It gives me the chills just thinking about it.  Why o why do I go through this every year?  I say next year will be different and then the next year rolls around and its either the same or worse!  I am not getting any younger.  Maybe I should go on one of those "fad" diets again :)  Those always work!  Why can't I just be naturally thin and have something else to worry about like having ugly toes or something.  I know nobody is perfect, but I would rather have some other issue to deal with.  I just got to get with it and get the heck in shape!  NOW! 

Work has been interesting.  I guess its a turnover year.  In my world that means it's a year to get a bunch of paper work filled out for staff that is leaving and get a bunch more paper work filled out for the new staff and try to get them to understand what is going on with their benefits/payroll.  I hope they all enjoy their new ventures and find exactly what they were looking for.  As for the new staff here I hope we can be all they dreamed of and they decide to stay awhile!  I often think about not working and being a pest to everyone in town.  I know some folks like that and I think they have it pretty good.  Just go around taking up peoples precious time with my HUGE EMERGENCIES and expecting everyone to been grinning ear to ear when I walk in the room because I am so delightful to be around and everyone just waits for me to stop by and express myself.  Why can't I be that person?  Why do I have to be the person who gets to deal with those folks from time to time and paste a fake grin from ear to ear and pretend to care?  Maybe I am a pest and just don't know it.  Gosh I hope so :)

The Master Plan

I must say I have a serious case of Spring Fever.  I have big plans for my yard and most of it includes some serious manual labor.  I wonder if I will ever learn to just let things be?  It seems I always have this big master plan and then it changes and changes and changes yet again.  I guess changes are good and goals certainly are so I will just keep plugging away and work on the master plan.  If you question what I mean by changing, here is an example:  We have lived at our house in town for three years now and I have moved the garden three times.  Hopefully, the next move will be permanent and I like it!  I plan to create a triangle garden in the back corner of our yard and surround it with white lattice and a trellis and the perfect iron gate (yet to be found)  inside I will split the garden into sections with a path splitting the middle.  My perfect little garden will have tomatoes and peppers on the south side and cucumbers and pumpkins on the north side and in the back corner in line with the "perfect iron gate" I will have a the "perfect bench" (also yet to be found) under the mulberry tree that is going to have to be included in the garden due to its location.  That is phase I.  Then phase II is to plant some black berry bushes on the front side of the fence.  We always had backberries while growing up so I feel I need to have them for my children to grow up! 

Also, I have the "perfect cast iron tub" that is going to house a little strawberry patch.  I will call it The Tub O'Berries.  Now you see I have some serious work ahead of me.  HELP!  And did I mention I don't like to pull weeds...  I have a new camera set to arrive soon so I will hopefully be able to get some "as I go" shots.  hmm. shots sound good and make me think of more yummy frozen treats.  Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with the berries!  I am thinking some strawberry margarita's sound delightful!  For now I will just sit here and dream up more ideas for my "master plan".

Faith

The Marker family has lost one of its own.  It seems as though it has been quite sometime since anything has directly hit the Emmett and Darlene Marker family.  My dad's sister Kathy has gone to heaven.  Word is that she passed away in her sleep.  Lucky lady!  Although it only makes sense... She lived a quite life and died a quiet death.  May all of her obstacles that she faced in life be no more and she be the happiest most beautiful angel in heaven. 

To Kathy:  I wish I would have gotten to know you better.  It seems there are many folks feeling as if they missed out on a lot of you life and feeling somewhat guilty as they feel they should've done more to see you than they did.  I hope your passing brings all of them to God and makes them understand the importance of their faith.  I feel as if God does give us second chances and they are eternal chances so for now until I get to meet you in heaven I will forever keep the faith and look forward to seeing you with your beautiful wings. 

Faith.  I have been stricken with Faith.  I have always been "catholic" and "religious" but not until recently have I really gotten in tune with spirituality.  I wonder what took so long or if I am normal.  I just seems that as of late something has hit me right in the face with this idea of eternal life and a greater being.  Yes, I know all the bible stories and said all my prayers but what I am talking about is a true belief and understanding.  I love it and I am going to run with it and live my life to the fullest not afraid of the unknown just maybe putting it off if the good Lord allows me to.  I feel as if I need to get into shape and live out a healthy life teaching my children the ways of the world and the church.  This is me and I am spiritual and I do have FAITH it is not just a wooden cut out in my living room anymore!  O and I also feel like getting a new tattoo but that is beside the point :)

Heavy Heart

I have spent the last week with a very heavy heart.  I never would've thought that beautiful little blondie that I used to spend many summer mornings watching Spongebob Squarepants would go to heaven at such a young age.  I do believe in heaven and all things eternal and I am elated that she is now an angel looking over us and has passed to a beautiful home with the Lord.  My heart just breaks for her family and her dear friends.  I hear the song, "If heaven wasn't so far away" several times a day it seems and that song is SO true.  Also, "God only cries for the living" (or something like that) it really hits home as well. 

I feel lucky to have gotten the chance to really get to know Mitch and Sara while I worked at the bank in Bartlett.  What good people.  They have gone through so much in just a few short years.  What is Gods plan for them?  I hope he guides them to whatever he is intending soon.  I just don't know how much one family can take.  I know he never gives us more than we can handle and I will keep faith in that and try not to question his intentions.  The entire community seems to be grieving the loss of Katarina and I pray that they find comfort in each other and can go on with loving memories until their day comes for each of us to meet her again.  I also wonder if the Methodist Church has flood insurance because I tend to have a tough time controlling the tears. 

For now I will hold my babies tight and hope everyone near and dear to me knows how much they mean to me and how much I would miss them if their tomorrow never comes. 

Catching Up

Gosh its been a long time since I have signed in... Not much has changed.  Jeslynn is now 7 as of Jan. 14th.  Lipstick was the highlight of the party.


We have done a lot of work in our home.  That started one Saturday morning in January and is still classified as a project.  I will get some pictures posted when we get a little more done.  Girl Scouts has been super busy with cookie sales.  The 18 girls sold over 1800 cookies this year!  Wow.  Sara and I had a good time sorting them out for the girls to pick up. (I guess I should say I had a good time, not sure I should speak for her)  Eric has been very busy even making a few trips to Texas.  Doesn't seem like we see much of him. 

At school we are doing a Wellness Challenge.  It has been an amazing motivator.  Meghan is my partner and she is such a trooper.  I wish I could get in all the minutes that she does... She's a workout warrior.  And bless her heart she even decided to let me talk her into trying some Yoga... (we thought we could do that on light days..)  Yoga is tough.  It isn't so much getting your heart racing and breathing hard as your body stretching and toning.  I was dead wrong about it being easy!  We are also doing the C25K training.  We are on Week #3 now.  Eyeyeyeyeee my calves feel as if they are ready to escape my skin and run to the whirlpool when we are getting close to finishing.  It feels so good to get done and know that you gave it all you had.  Yesterday we had this bright idea to do a little Yoga and then do the C25K.  So after 40 min of Yoga we headed over to the gym to do Day 3 of C25K.  Silly.  We did make it through and when I got home I was planted in front of the TV for a night of Biggest Loser and Husker BB and American Idol AND Charlie Sheen (nutso).  Wow. Tuesday is a big TV night for me.  O and Monday is of course the Bachelor.  I think those are the only days that I devote my evening to the tube though.  I think :) 

I cannot believe in 3 months I will be graduated from high school for 10 years.  Unbelievable.  I shall spend the next 3 months shaping up for summer and the events that come with it.  It is going to be another crazy busy summer and school will be started again before I know it.

Happy Friends

This weekend I went to Atkinson to witness the most beautiful winter wedding I have ever attended.  Kim has chosen a fantastic husband and he seems to love her so much.  He is a quite hard working hunter :)  It was fun to see her dad all fixed up.  I have never seen him as he was saturday.  I hope he realizes what a great bunch of kids he has.  Eric was pretty nervous all morning about missing the Husker game.. Ugh.. should've missed it. (don't want to get started on that as this is not a novel just a blog)  So anyways... we watched the game during the reception and took part in the dancing.  Our kids love dances!  It makes me motivated to get through the winter and get on with the summer of weddings.  Sunday I put Eric to work in the house.  I nagged a little and suggested that he get my ice maker hooked up (on the list for over 2 years now) and that he finish up his lighting job in the basement that has been a ongoing project from last fall.  YIPPIE he got them both done.. there is still stuff laying all over from the jobs, but that can be cleaned up!  Good Boy.  I spent most of Sunday working on school stuff.  I just dread the board meeting work.  I feel like I am ready to throw in the towel and find another occupation.  Then when it is all done I don't feel so bad and have a great sense of relief.  Now if I would just get back to work on next month NOW I wouldn't have the same problem next month.  I think I will never learn.  Next up we go to Be Bendy in Norfolk.  more on that to come.

Taking Time to Breathe

MARKERS MARKERS EVERYWHERE..  I spent Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family.  The term "Quantity over Quality" comes in mind, but that is not actually completely accurate.  There is plenty of "Quality" people there, but you just can't spend much "Quality" time with them as the "Quantity" is a little overbearing.  So YES Quantity is plenty and Quality time is a little scant.  Amazing things are going on in the Marker family.  I have two cousins from Wyoming that are going through the roller coaster cycle of surrogacy.  How amazing to give your sister the ultimate gift.. No I am not talking about your life I am talking about life.. I would say by far my children's lives are much more precious than mine.. So for this I am saying she is giving the "ultimate gift".  Amazing... During Thanksgiving they were in the middle of the waiting period to find out if they had indeed succeeded only to find out a few short days later that the news was again NO.  They are very strong women to go through such a journey.  I would like to think that I would do the same for someone that I loved.  I wish them the best of luck on their journey.  Also, another cousin has now adopted two foster children.  Pretty lucky little kids to end up with such of loving family.  I hope they are forever grateful and have a beautiful new life!  Congrats Crystal & Craig.  We gathered in the new home of my Uncle Ernie & his wife Marcy which was perfect for all of us to fit in.  It is estimated that there was nearly 100 people in attendance and since it was freezing it was a good thing to have room INSIDE!  My aunt Karen is recovering from cancer and heart trouble.  It has been a long road for her and I just hope there is light at the end of the tunnel and she can enjoy life again.. someday.. So it looks like everyone has a clean bill of health and that is simply amazing for such a large group of folks.  I sometimes worry about how healthy we all are.  Seems like at some point things will go downhill, but until then I will be thankful for all of the Marker blessings we are a part of.  After a day with the Markers we headed in to Lincoln to check out the stadium & UNL campus without 90,000 people around us.  Eric is always awestruck by anything like that.  He becomes this 9 year old kid again that is just so happy and impressed.  Me, I tend to be to grounded for that and just don't find much exciting about things.  I am blessed to have Eric in my life to remind me that it is OK to get excited about something.  No one cares if you get all giddy about things and no one cares if you don't get all giddy about things.  I need to be more exciting and not so passive with things.  Maybe that will be a new years resolution.. Maybe :)